Moscow meets Missouri

Inspired by the European experience, I try my hand at the ancient art of schnapps creation. Behold, the Trailer Park Russian. The best of proletarian vodka and lightly crushed Otter Pop. Shaken, not stirred, comrade, if you please.

Aftereffects of a trip to Europe

It's now a lot more fun to watch the Rome and Germany scenes from National Lampoon's European Vacation.

Home

After a wonderful (but long) trip on a huge Lufthansa jumbo jet, we arrive at LAX, where we are greeted by our next plane. This plane is anything but jumbo, holding just slightly over 8.3 passengers. And it is loud. Very loud.

If you look out the back of the plane while you are flying, you can see the red line being painted behind you, to show you whence you have come.

Determining the gender of geese

How can you figure out whether a goose is male or female? The male lifts its leg to pee, right? Well, maybe that only works for dogs.


This picture was taken in the city park in Düsseldorf, in case anyone wants to find this particular goose to know for certain its gender.

Fun with family, friends and neighbors

Michelle and I have had a couple of very nice evenings with Christian and Anna and their wonderful neighbors. Great food in large quantities, great beer, and some excellent homemade schnapps. At the start of the evening, I understood perhaps five percent of the German that was spoken around me. After drinking the schnapps, I could understand around twenty percent. Amazing stuff.

The warning label on the back of the homemade schnapps means something like: Please take regularly but in moderation. For risks and side effects, ask your doctor or pharmacist.


We also learned that, in Germany, you're never too young to tend the bar. This young lady knew how to coax the perfect glass of beer from the Biermaschine. She has a real gift.


Everyone has been very kind here and understanding about my woeful lack of skill with the German language. I've had a great time.

New calendar for 2009

And now, as part of the Catholicism Wow! campaign, a new calendar for 2009, featuring the twelve sexiest priests of Holy Rome.


This just seems wrong to me. I don't even want to know the target demographic.

Piazza di Santa Apollonia

There is a small square in our neighborhood called the Piazza di Santa Apollonia, named for Apollonia, an early Christian martyr from Alexandria in Egypt (died in 249 AD). Among other tortures, she had all of her teeth pulled out (without anesthetic). Because of this, she is now the patron saint of dentistry and those suffering from dental problems. We thought it would be appropriate to get a picture of Michelle here.


So if you hear Michelle mumbling under her breath, listen closely. You may hear, "Santa Apollonia, pray for me ..."

Unexpected hotel amenities

On our way to eat tonight, we noticed a quick advertisement for our hotel's Wellness Center and Spa. On the list of possibilities for our relaxation was one that was unexpected but welcome (highlighted below).


I immediately signed up for my cuddle, and agreed that Michelle would get her chance tomorrow. It's like a little island of home in an ocean of strangeness.

Sistine Chapel

As you wander through the maze that leads you to the Sistine Chapel, you are confronted with room after room filled with infamous sacred imagery; that is, more than famous. Most people know the work of Raphael, Michelangelo, and the other Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But there are some sacred relics that are lesser known, yet still quite important, amidst the acres of better-known pope swag.

Imagine my surprise when I walked through an unassuming little door into The Pope Poncho Room.


Or when I discovered the sacred implement that the Holy Father turns to when he simply must have a slice of that New York Cheesecake: The Sacred Pie Knife of Santa Maria Callenderus.


And, when there is a nail sticking out in the Holy Bedchamber that must be made flush, there is only one tool for the job: The Holy Hammer of San Stanley Burrellus.

St. Peter's Basilica

Michelle and I visited St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican City today. We wandered around taking in all the statues and reliefs until we reached overload. All of these works of art tell a story, and present a moral, from which we can learn and grow. One of these masterpieces that stuck with me is shown in the picture to follow. It shows a man, a skull, and a chubby wingéd child holding a miter. I struggled to understand the scene, until a kind man in a cleric's collar translated the Latin inscription for me:

Seest thou this skull? Upon them that toucheth my hat cometh swift vengeance. And take thou thy grubby hands off of my staff.

An exciting Roman game

Because soccer is just not enough, the people here in Rome have other games for locals (and visitors) to play. This is just one of them, called Get the Poop in the Chute. The way it works is this: Place your feet squarely on the convenient grips, squat, aim, and strain. If you do it right, you win clean shoes.


Other fun games include Find the Entrance to the Sistine Chapel and Now Find Your Way Out and Talk the Gypsies out of Taking Your Wallet.